Feel the power? 7 rules of asking questions.

In the macho cut-and-thrust of business, we are pressured to recommend, direct, conclude.  Yet asking (the right) questions is not only an essential pre-requisite to the above - it is a powerful tool in its own right.

Why?

• Questions lead to Eureka or "aha" moments.  Simple questions can help people see situations from a different angle.  The right questions force people to really think rather than just churn out information.
• Statements can shut people down.   Questions open people up.  They build relationships.  Think about networking or making friends - you ask questions to find something in common.
• Questions mean control.  Questions create a strong sociological and psychological impetus on the other person to answer.  Ask the questions, lead the conversation.
• In our connected world, finding answers can be easier than asking the right questions.  That's why top leaders get paid so much!

“Questions are the light that illuminates the truth.”

In my line of work, I've had to take on new practice areas where I had zero experience - inheriting a team with the technical expertise but not necessarily the skills to use it effectively in a complex and changing business environment.  I learned to lead and drive change in this area by asking the right questions.  Here are my 7 rules for effective problem-solving through questions.

Rule 1
Build trust.

"The primary purpose of every meeting is to build trust" - see my previous article!  You may have the best questions, but you won't get good answers if you don't establish trust.   Explain why you are asking the questions.  Establish a common interest in getting to the answer.  Be honest.

Rule 2
Ask first, shoot later.

Ask questions.  Lots of them.  Don't be tempted to give an opinion or draw conclusions until you have all the answers that you need.  If people look to you for guidance and authority, don't be concerned about that - the person who is asking the questions is the person who is leading and therefore controlling the conversation, so authority comes as standard.

Rule 3
Ask the right questions.

Ask open, leading questions.  If you want to truly explore the problem, you want the other person to open up, talk candidly and to offer up information.  Start with simple questions to set a common foundation of understanding, then probe.  Be prepared to take detours from your planned line of questioning.  Good questions will result in answers from which relevant new questions will branch out organically - just follow the trail.

Rule 4
Listen actively.

This connects closely to Rule 2.  You can only ask the right questions if you listen actively.  For me, active listening means picking out the key words in the answer, playing them back to make sure you have understood the nuances, connecting the result to the problem you are trying to solve, and probing further based on the knowledge you have just gathered.  It's about connecting the dots, realtime.  Take notes.

Rule 5
Show empathy.

Build rapport.  Reflect back (body language, tone of voice, show emotion).  Show that you care - that you are truly interested in what the other person has to say and that their contribution is essential to solving the problem.  

Rule 6
Read between the lines.

The effective questioner not only listens actively to what is said, but also to what is not said.  The underlying themes and hidden messages can be the real gold vein you're looking for.  In my experience, jotting down insights and questions as you're listening, and making sure you challenge the other person when you are not convinced about (the completeness of) their answer or opinion, will take you there without expending extra energy.

Rule 7
Let them discover the answer.

The most powerful method of persuasion is to bring the other person to the desired conclusion through your line of questioning, and letting them "discover" the solution themselves.  If you can do that, you save yourself the energy of having to convince.  People will feel good about themselves and will recognise your skills in having brought them to the solution. 

Final word.

Like many rules of this kind, they're obvious. The challenge is be conscious of the obvious, and to sustain it in practice.  If you think I've missed something important or you have a story to share, let me know!